On Friday, Action Bronson released a video for Actin Crazy, the lead single off his first major label album Mr. Wonderful. I’ve been asked to write a review of the video, but decided it would be much easier to describe the video and allow you to draw your own conclusions.
:05 – Bronson appears from a dressing room, gloriously dressed in all black with a well-coiffed beard and slicked back hair, and eating a bowl of cereal. The real question, though, is: WHAT TYPE OF CEREAL? I think they’re Oatmeal Squares, but I’m open to suggestions. I’ll be watching the comments carefully.
:30 – Bronson arrives on the set of his video shoot to much fanfare. Two women prepare him for the shoot. One grabs the cereal and combs his hair while the other take a lint roller to his all-black outfit.
:45 – Bronson steps onto a green screened set.
1:05 – Someone hands Bronson a pair of headphones and begins pantomiming driving a car, but it’s not a car. It’s a space ship!!! BRONSON SHOOTS INTO SPACE IN A CARTOON ROCKET! More like Astronaut Bronson, amirite?
1:23 – The rocket explodes and Bronson goes into a Sandra Bullockesque Gravity space spin.
1:27 – Bronson stumbles over onto what can only be described as a Helmeted Fire-Breathing Jet-Powered Bald Eagle Dragon Chariot and proceeds to ride it through the air.
1:50 – Bronson walks off the green screen set and immediately regains control of his bowl of cereal. Hair brushed again. Lint rolled again. The cereal appears to be held in a Styrofoam bowl and Bronson is using a plastic spoon. If this cereal is seemingly so important to Bronson, WHY IS IT BEING TREATED WITH SUCH LITTLE CARE?!?!?!
2:05 – Still chewing his cereal, Bronson pumps himself up for the next sequence.
2:15 – Bronson rides a horned engine-powered shark that shoots lasers and missiles through the ocean.
2:30 – Stumbling off the shark, Bronson falls into a bleak cityscape where he finds…
2:45 – GODZILLA!!!!!
2:46 – Bronson and Godzilla immediately start playing 1-on-1. After a spin move, Bronson bounces off of Godzilla and soars into the air for a 900 degree reverse dunk, but stops half way through to again have his hair combed and be lint rolled.
3:12 – Bronson completes dunk and the rim explodes NBA Jam style. Okay, maybe it was a little bit more epic than the NBA Jam break, but it deserved to be better. He was in the air for 30 seconds!!!!!
3:15 – Bronson returns to the city scape, which immediately turns into a hell scape.
3:17 – Bronson does the splits between two plateaus in the depths of the hellscape with a wolf howling on a mountain behind him.
3:21 – Lightning strikes. The judges give Bronson 10s on his performance.
3:28 – Shooting ends. Bronson walks to the comforts of his waiting bowl of cereal.
3:35 – After a tough day on set, Bronson walks back to his dressing room to finish his cereal in peace.
4:00 – A Star (poorly drawn, but still) is Born.
By: Eric Nehm